Don't Ever Look Back
by EternallyCullen
Summary: Things are not always the way they seem. Not all futures are set in stone. Can Bella forget her sordid past and concentrate on her future? AH. Rated for language, mentions of assault and lemons. Canon pairings.
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer._

_**Authors Notes:**__ Yes, a new story from me. Posting this short prologue and I'll be posting the final chapter and the Epilogue of My Facebook Reunion over the next few days. This one will be a little more different than MFBR – but stick with it, I'm very excited. Thanks LisaDawn75 for always keeping me on the right track and to Tammygrrl for looking over this short piece for me. _

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><p><strong>Don't Ever Look Back. <strong>

**Prologue. **

The looks in the halls.

The sniggering.

The subtle shoulder shoves from the Cheerleading Squad. The mocking from the jocks... and then _those looks_ from the jocks. Those looks. You know, the "Yeah, I'll be seeing you later on, baby." look, followed by a sarcastic wink.

"Dirty fucking skank"

"Such a whore. It's disgusting."

I looked through them, like they didn't exist to me. Like their words didn't cause me to ache inside. If only they knew.

_Bitches. Just leave me the hell alone. What do you know about me?_

"Bella?" - a softer voice called, as a hand wound its way into my hair. It's not gentle for long, as he pulled my head to face him. "I don't want you. You just were there, like the whore you are. And I just had to know if you were as easy as they said you were. They were right. You're nothing but an easy lay."

Tears stung my eyes. "Riley?"

"Just stop calling me, it's pathetic. You are pathetic."

He laughed and walked off, joining his crowd of jock friends, laughing and shaking his head. There was an exchange of hi-fives and fist bumps. "You know what, Gar, even though she's practically a hooker, she has the tightest little pussy ever."

I will not cry. Will not cry. You don't know me. You don't know me.

The look.

The sniggering.

The name calling.

They don't exist to me.

I will never give myself freely again.

Don't look back. Don't _ever_ look back.

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><p>Let me know what you think - you like? You want more? Tell me.<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer._

_**Authors Notes:**__ I am so stupidly ecstatic about the response to my 300 word prologue. I'm really excited about this story. It's been in my head for a while so thank you for all the reviews, and for adding this to your favourites and alerts. _

_I hope to update this story on a fortnightly basis. Something huge and unexpected is happening in my life right now, so I don't want to promise weekly updates like on MFBR._

_Thanks to my amazing ficwife, LisaDawn75 – who is also my beta and keeps me on the right track. Tammygrrl who gets first look and helps spot my mistakes. And to my E, my Scrappy, for pre-reading this for me, and Zoe for pre-reading. Love ya long time - x_

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><p><strong>Don't Ever Look Back<strong>

**Chapter 1 **

He chatted to me, his large brown eyes looking all around as he sat in the back seat of my old Jeep in his booster seat. I grinned as I took a peek at him in the rear view mirror.

"Oh, Mommy, he was so cool. We did some reading and then we worked on the letter S, and then we sang. Mr. Masen got out his guitar and actually sang. Mrs. Cope never sang _with _us!" Sammy gushed. My six-year-old was never one never gush; in fact, just a week previously, he had not been impressed that the substitute teacher who would be replacing the beloved Mrs. Cope, who had to leave for _personal reasons _was, in fact, a man. The only male teacher at Forks Elementary.

His arrival to our small town caused quite a stir. Apparently, he was very new to teaching and appeared to be in his late twenties, perhaps early thirties, and was also, apparently... quite the catch. But that was school yard gossip between the other moms and nannies. Some of the nannies tried talking to me about him, thinking that I was like them... like one of them. When someone whispered that I was, in fact, Sam's mother, they began to avoid me. That was nothing new.

"He really is cool, Mommy. He even played at being referee when we played tag at recess."

"He sounds great, Sammy," I told my over-excited child as we pulled up at our apartment complex.

"Can I unbuckle now?"

"Did we stop, yet?" I questioned him with a smile.

"Uh-huh, and you took the key out."

"Then unbuckle away, my little man!"

He clicked the seatbelt open and carefully removed the shoulder strap, waiting for me to open the door for him. He took my hand and grabbed his lunchbox, leaping down energetically from the vehicle. He took my hand, and we walked into our small, two-bedroom apartment together.

"You got homework tonight, dude?" I asked him.

Sammy shook his head. "Nope, I did it in class. I finished before most of the other kids, so Mr. Masen said that I could do it in class."

Awesome. I fucking hated it when my six-year-old child came home with another hour or two of school work. Like they didn't have enough to do during the day with six hours of learning. Homework, also, wasn't my strong point. I was dreading him growing older and wanting help solving some complicated math problem.

I was sixteen-years-old when I found out that I was pregnant with Sam. I was living with my father, Charlie, in Forks. It was a total accident, totally unplanned, and Sam's daddy is no longer in the picture. It was a one-time thing, and when I told him that I was having his child, he laughed it off, telling me that it could have belonged to anyone.

I made mistakes in high school. First off, I tried to be the way I thought people would like me. It turned out that I was wrong, and I had gone totally the wrong way about it. I dated casually... a couple of boys, and after a while, sex became fun. It happened a lot. News at Forks High would travel fast, and it wasn't long before I was deemed a cheap whore - an easy lay. Girls hated me, boys mocked me, yet they still wanted a piece of me.

I was accused of many things. Drinking, drugs, smoking. All of those things were not true. The only thing that I ever indulged in was sex. I loved it. I loved the way it made me feel. I loved the attention and the short term affection. It was the element of closeness I wanted the most. I didn't think it was wrong at first. I just enjoyed the attention. Without the sex, I was just _Bella WHO? _No one knew I existed.

Mike was the first. We dated for a couple of weeks. He wasn't a virgin, not by a long shot. It didn't take many attempts for him to get into my pants. After that, there was Tyler, and then it got out of control. The name calling started shortly after.

_Chlamydia_. They called me Chlamydia. I didn't have it. But that's what they called me.

After several months of looking straight through them and ignoring them, it finally got to me. I was just the shell of the person I had been before, so I decided it was time to turn over a new leaf. I would go back to being quiet Bella Swan, daughter of the Chief of Police. I would concentrate on my school work – which I was failing at miserably. I'd gone, in a matter of weeks from being top of the class in most of my subjects, to flunking. Big time.

Charlie was mad when the school wrote to him, expressing their concern. He then called my mother who flew to Washington with her husband, Phil, to verbally kick my ass. I couldn't tell them about my extracurricular activities, although Charlie told me that whoever the boy was, I wasn't to see him any longer. I guessed that my not showing up for dinner and coming home past nine o'clock had him believing that I had a boyfriend.

So, I vowed to change. I wanted to fade into the background, get my diploma, and maybe go to college. Be normal.

I wanted to never look back. I was just going to look forward. I promised myself never to trust in males again. I knew I'd just been used, and parts of me felt filthy - so dirty - when I thought of their fumbling hands all over my body and the looks on their faces as they rolled a rubber onto their probably infested dicks.

All except Riley – I had thought he was different. He seemed sweet at first, and even before we slept together, he took me out, and we had a burger and a coke. He even picked me up. It was like we were dating.

"_Bella, you are so sexy. Thank you for coming back with me tonight." Riley's gray eyes looked into mine, and he reached across the center console and rested his hand on my thigh. _

"_I had a great time, thank you," I told him, smiling. He was so different from the other boys. He leaned closer towards me and kissed me. For a moment or two, it was relatively chaste, but soon enough, he opened his mouth against mine and forced his tongue into my mouth. He leaned closer and grabbed my head, practically pulling me over the handbrake and gearshift. I happily made my way onto his lap and kissed him back, his hands already getting busy under my shirt. He grabbed at my breast, pulling roughly at my nipples. The line between pleasure and pain was a thin one. _

"_That's so fucking hot that you're not wearing a bra," he growled as he pulled my shirt up. His eyes fell to my chest as he stared at my tits. I felt him twitch underneath me, and I snaked my hand in between us and under the waistband of his shorts. He was certainly smaller than Mike, Tyler, and a few of the faceless boys in my past, but he had not needed my touch to be incredibly hard. I grinned as I wrapped my hand around his length and pumped him experimentally, twisting his shaft like others had enjoyed._

"_Fuuuuckkkk," he groaned, his hands and mouth on my tits, sucking, pulling and biting. I pumped him harder and gave his balls a small squeeze, which caused him to throw his head back and roll his eyes. "Shit... Bella, just fucking suck it, you dirty girl."_

_I complied. I'd been told I was pretty good at giving head, and I was flattered that Riley wanted me in that way. We moved to the back of the car, and he released himself from his shorts. I positioned myself in the foot-well of the car, in between his legs. _

_He groaned and grabbed at my hair as I quickly took his dick into my mouth and started to suck him off. I took him into the back of my throat and hollowed my cheeks out, increasing the pressure and sucking harder. Riley's hands pulled hard in my hair, pulling and tugging, and guiding my movements as he thrust harder into my mouth. I could feel him touching the back of my throat as I swallowed him down, taking all of him in._

"_Fuck, Bella, you are such a bad girl. Take your panties off and get on your hands and knees. I'm going to fuck you now."_

_I released his cock, giving the head a brief kiss and running my teeth gently across the purple, climbing onto the seat. I pulled my dress up around my waist and wriggled out of my little black thong; I then got on my hands and knees before him, my ass practically in his face. _

_I felt his hot, sticky hands caress the curve of my butt for a moment, and then his fingers came into contact with my heat. He didn't delay, and I cried out in pain when he shoved three fingers inside of me, and his thumb pressed hard against my clit. He pumped three times and pulled out, wiping my juices onto the material of my skirt. "God, Bell, you are so wet for me. That's just for me, right?" _

_I nodded and rocked back towards him, brushing my ass up against his erection. "Yeah, it's only for you. You make me this wet. Only you, Riley." _

"_Just what I want to hear," he said as I felt him position himself at my entrance from behind. _

"_Condom... in my jacket... pocket..." I breathed as I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. _

_He shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm allergic to latex; I thought I told you that already... don't worry, though, I'm clean, and I'll make sure I pull out. You trust me, don't you?" _

_Of course I trusted him. Out of all the boys, he was the one that had treated me like how I thought that a boy should treat his girlfriend. Dinner, touching, making out. "Oh, course... sorry. Don't worry about it," I told him. _

_He grinned at me and grabbed the base of his dick, sliding it up and down my slit. After he coated himself with my wetness, he pushed into me. His thrust wasn't exactly gentle, but it wasn't bad. The position was new to me, and it was definitely more intense that way. I could feel the pressure start to build up right away, and my stomach hurt from the spot inside me that he was hitting. _

_I arched my back and moved with him, meeting his hard thrusts with my own. His hands were at my waist, holding on tightly, and his nails dug into my skin. I knew I'd have bruises the next day – but they'd be a pleasant reminder of the fun night we'd had. _

_He started to slam into me harder, and he grunted with every thrust, letting me know that he was close to his release. I met his movements with abandon and clenched my walls around him. I grabbed onto the back of the seat and straightened up, so that I was on my knees, my back pressing into his chest as he took me from behind. I slipped a hand between us and grabbed him where we were joined, massaging his balls. _

_Riley's hands moved around my body, and one hand found my tits and the other my clit as he started to touch me. I felt myself spiralling towards one of the most impressive climaxes of my life. The pressure was amazing, and my whole body was throbbing in anticipation. _

"_I'm gonna cum," Riley cried out as he pinched my clit hard between his thumb and forefinger, which caused me to fall forward, back onto my hands and knees. I came hard, contracting around his dick. I felt him still, and he gripped me harder, pulling me towards him as he came inside of me. _

"_Shit... Riley!" I cried out, still coming down from my own climax but fully aware that he'd just came... and not pulled out like he'd promised. _

"_Oh, God, I'm sorry... I was just... it's just that you felt so fucking great, Bella. I was caught up in the moment. I've never come so fucking hard in my life..."_

_He pulled out of me and sat back on the seat. I pulled my skirt over my legs and grimaced at the feeling of both his and my combined juices dripping out of me. I'd only ever had sex with condoms before, and although sex without was certainly much better, the mess wasn't so fun. _

"_It will be okay, it's the first time, so it will be fine," Riley cooed. I relaxed a little, guessing he was right. "And by the looks of it, most of it came out anyway. Next time, I promise I'll pull out."_

"_You want a next time?" I asked him. _

"_Fuck, yeah. Look, I really like you, Bella." _

The next day at school, he ignored me. He wouldn't even look in my direction. I tried texting him, and calling him. Nothing. I pushed a note into his locker. No response.

A week later, he told me to leave him alone. He'd used me. He had used his charm, led me on, and used me. His friend had mocked me and told him I was an easy lay, and the bastard had used me just for sex.

I had really liked him. I had honestly thought that he was different from the others. He seemed kind.

That was when I decided that I would never look back. I would only look forwards. I would go back to the way I was before. Quiet, little, Bella Swan. Little Bella Swan, who sat in her classes and worked hard. The one who was always first to turn in her homework. I would get my grades back up to standard. I would forget the slut. She wasn't me. She was a mistake.

All those boys were mistakes.

A week later, my period didn't turn up.

A week after that, when it was still late, I stole a pregnancy test from the Thriftway.

The next day, I peed on the damn stick and got two pink lines.

I had been fucked over, and I was pregnant.

I called him, and he picked up. I told him; he denied it was his, telling me that it could have been anybody's. That I was a good for nothing whore who slept around. I guess that was true, but he was the only boy who I'd ever had unprotected sex with. The baby was his. I had no doubt about that.

I told my dad, and he told my mom. The shit hit the fan, but they both supported me fully, respecting my decision to keep the baby.

I never went back to school. I got a full time job until I was too uncomfortable to work any longer.

Two weeks before my seventeenth birthday, Samuel Charles Swan was born two days after his due date, after the most horrifically painful experience of my life. He was seven pounds and three ounces, tearing me from one end to the other. I spent almost an hour in surgery after pushing him out, having my hoo-har repaired and pieced back together like a jigsaw puzzle. I didn't want to walk for a week.

Mom stayed in Forks for a week and helped me with Sam. She helped me to breastfeed, and yelled at me when I told her I didn't want to - that I wanted to bottle feed him. She told me that there was no way in hell she or Charlie would buy formula, when I had the good stuff already on tap. I scowled and did as I was told, too exhausted to even fight with her. I was glad she did it. Breastfeeding was awesome. I kept it up for nine months, and then Sam got teeth. Go figure.

My dad tried calling Riley, and then his parents, but all he got was a load of abuse. Charlie then learned about my _past _and my so-called bad reputation. I knew he was disappointed in me, but there was nothing I could do, apart from stay at home and be a good mother to my child.

When Sam turned a year old, I decided to go back to work. I started working full-time at Thriftway, and I got a good deal with a local day care for Sam. I enjoyed going back to work, and I was able to give my dad some money. He didn't want to take it, so I always made sure that I brought the food for the house and cooked all the meals. When I turned nineteen, Sam and I moved out and got a place of our own.

I didn't regret what happened. I didn't regret having Sam. He's my love and my light. But being a mother to a kid in elementary school could be tough. I was twenty-two and a half years old and away from a home with a shitty job. I did not have anything. I didn't even have my high school diploma.

The past scared me, yet the future frightened me even more.

"Mommy, can I get my Lego out?"

"Sure dude, as long as you pack it away after."

"'Kay Mommy; what's for dinner?"

I laughed. "Whatever you want, sweetie. Whatever you want."

"Mr. Masen likes Italian food. He told us that he has been to Italy three times. Next week, he is going to tell us all about it and said we can do some cooking. I told him that you have always wanted to visit there. He said I should take you when I'm bigger," Sammy gushed again, talking a mile a minute. I wondered if this was going to get old anytime soon.

"Mr. Masen clearly has good taste. So, in that case, do you want spaghetti?"

"Yeah! Please Mommy!"

I shook my head and walked into the small kitchen to prepare our dinner as my son built rockets and spaceships with his Lego's.

It was nice that Sam seemed to be enjoying the attention from his new, male teacher. But I had trust issues with men, understandably. I'd not so much as even been on a date with anyone since... Riley. I hoped this teacher was as genuine as Sam was making out.

Parent-Teacher night was next week. I guess we would see.

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><p>Let me know what you think :-) Isn't Riley a douche?<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Notes**: And I'm back – thanks so much to all the new readers who added this story on finding my completed story – **My Facebook Reunion**. Thank you so much for all the reviews on the prologue and first chapter.

Thankyou as always to my team, my amazing ficwife and super-beta –** LisaDawn75** and the lovely **Tammygrrl**

A little bit of exciting news, my fabulous ficwife; LisaDawn75 and I have written a collaboration oneshot for a contest. It's anonymous, so I can't tell you which one belongs to us but please go ahead and check out all the entries. Voting starts on 13th May.

http : / www . fanfiction . net / community / Showers_to_Flowers_Pick_a_Pic_O_S_Contest / 89608/99/0/1/ Remove the spaces

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><p><strong>Don't Ever Look Back<strong>

**Chapter 2**

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><p>"Mommy, can I come with you?"<p>

I laughed and shook my head. Of course, it was a delight that Sam loved school so much that he wanted to go back after hours, but it wasn't common practice for a kid to attend a parent-teacher night. "Sorry little dude, no can do. It's going to run pretty late, and I don't think Mr. Masen is going to want to talk all about you when you're sitting right by me. Right?" I asked him.

Sammy slumped his shoulders forward, let out a puff of air, and pouted. "Awww. I guess."

"Anyway, Grandpa Charlie is going to come watch you, and I think he promised that he was going to bring a pizza."

At this statement, his eyes lit up, and he grinned. "I like having pizza with Grandpa."

"I know you do; save me a slice, ok?"

"You'll be lucky, Mom."

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and ran into the classroom after his friends, which left me standing alone in the playground. A small group of the other moms were standing in front of the entrance, blocking my view, but I could hear them clearly, as could – I was sure – the rest of the yard, plus some of the nearby faculty.

"No, well, I don't agree with it. He looks far too young to be a teacher. Honestly, this is a _good _school, so how did we wind up with someone who is barely a _kid _teaching our kids?"

"Oh, I dunno, Liz; he's easy on the eyes, you got to give him that."

"Oh, my God, you're kidding, right? He's hot. I'm sure he has a few things to learn, as well. I could teach the teacher a lesson or two."

"Oh, I bet you could... I bet he's hung like a fucking horse... and those glasses... and that hair. Oh, my God; that's sex hair if I ever did see it."

They giggled loudly – okay, it was more of a cackle, if we were being honest. I rolled my eyes and slung my bag back across my shoulder. Honestly... If this guy was as young as they thought he was, they had no right to be talking about him like that. I tried to figure out in my head how old Mr. Masen could be. If he was super smart, he could have graduated high school early. So, if this was his first job – which I'd heard it was – then he wouldn't be any older than twenty-four.

I looked at the women in front of me – all in their early thirties, wearing their suits, heels, and carrying their designer bags – and then down at myself. Skinny jeans, my ratty, but favourite, hoodie and my ancient, and much loved, Converse. I lived in a totally different world than them. They knew it, as did I.

Snooty fucking bitches, judging me for being so young and having a six year old. At first, when they thought that I was the nanny, it seemed like just a genuine question of interest. When I told them that no, I was Sam's mother, they started to look down their noses at me. I was blocked out of _that _circle right away. Who said that just because you grow up and become an adult that the playground bitchiness and belittling stops? It so does not. The school pick-up zone was a dangerous area. I always got the fuck out of there, as soon as possible.

I jumped into the car and headed off to work. They were pretty good to me at the Thriftway. I was one of their longer serving members on staff and had recently been promoted to supervisor of fresh produce. It came with a small pay raise, and I was able to keep my Sammy-school-friendly hours. It wasn't what I wanted to do. Ideally, I wanted to go to college and actually do _something_ – anything – with my life. I wasn't stupid – far from it. Learning was great, and I was thankful that so far, my son seemed to think the same thing. Education was important. One day, I would go back.

My shift ended at two-thirty, and I collected my things from my locker. Dad had texted me to say that he'd gotten off of work early, so he would just go ahead and pick Sam up from school. Charlie loved spending time with his grandson. I never had seen him as a paternal type of guy, but then again, I only saw him for a couple of weeks a year when I was Sam's age, after my mother had hauled us all over the country when they had divorced. He was great with Sam, though, and was keen to start to take him fishing on the weekends, once the weather improved. They had a great bond.

I folded my apron and placed it back into my locker, before pulling down my hair and running my fingers quickly through it. I was done for the day and didn't even have to head over to the school. Charlie was taking Sam back to his place for a while, grabbing pizza to take back to my apartment, and then he would put Sam to bed. I thought of all the things I could do without having a hyper six year old in tow.

I clocked out and headed home to my eerily quiet apartment. I liked to keep our small space tidy, so there weren't even toys to pack away, and I'd cleaned the kitchen prior to taking Sam to school that morning. I puttered around for a little while and grabbed a can of soda from the fridge.

A bubble bath! As a single mother, it wasn't something that I was able to indulge in as regularly as I would have liked. Sam liked to take a bath, too, and even if I took one after his bed time, he'd hear the sounds of the running water and get up, demanding to have one, as well. And sharing with a six year old, who liked to ask questions – a lot of questions – was not to fun. Then there was the splashing.

I clapped my hands together in excitement as I practically skipped to the bathroom, before realizing that I probably looked very stupid. Luckily, I had no one there to see me. I ran the water and added my special rose scented pink bubbles. I filled the tub right up, grabbed my iPod from the kitchen, and put it on the dock, pressing shuffle. I placed my soda on the side and stripped off quickly, sinking into the deliciously hot water. Bath time – quiet bath time – was total bliss.

After spending far too long almost dozing in the tub, I emerged from the bathroom, looking rather prune-like and very pink. I combed and dried my hair, then ran into the kitchen in my underwear to grab some toast for dinner. I dressed once again – my darker skinny jeans, newer Chucks, and a pale blue tank top. I thought it best to meet the teacher looking a little like a parent and not a sixth grader. A little mascara and lip gloss finished my look, and I ran out of the door and back over to the school.

With fifteen minutes to spare before the appointment, I was told to head on along to Sam's classroom and take a seat outside with the other waiting parents. There was an older, married couple ahead of me and two of the bitchy moms were whispering at the end of the row of uber small chairs. Honestly, you would think that they'd maybe rent some adult sized seats, not the ones that the half pints used. I sat in one chair across from the couple, and they both smiled and nodded. I blushed and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

"So, Bella, isn't it?" a voice asked. I looked up, and it was one of the other mothers. I didn't realize that I'd never told them my name. I'd said little more to them than informing them that I wasn't a nanny. I nodded politely and slipped my phone back into my jeans. "Where is Daddy tonight? Sam is your boy, right?"

I cleared my throat and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "Yes, I'm Sam's mom... and no, his father isn't in the picture right now. It's just us." I smiled.

The woman raised an impeccably plucked eyebrow. "Oh, yes, I thought that was the case. Such a shame. That boy needs a good, male role model in his life."

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing sweetie... it's just good for kids to be around men, as well – older men. Gives them some sense of what they're supposed to be. It must be hard for you."

I chose to ignore the snide comment. While I was used to the looks, it had been some time since I'd gotten any. People in Forks had begun to get used to the fact that I had a six year old. I didn't know if she was just clueless and had no people skills, or if she was trying to get a rise out of me.

She was looking at me, her head cocked to the side, waiting for my response.

"We are doing just fine, thank you. We make the best of what we have." I smiled sweetly and turned slightly in my chair, hoping to make it clear to her that the conversation was over.

"Charlotte, that wasn't very nice!" the other girl hissed to her friend.

"I just needed to clarify; she never speaks to us. I'd like to know what our children are associating with. She's a kid; how can she raise a child?"

I closed my eyes. Those fucking traitor tears were threatening to sting.

"Shhh, she can hear you," The brunette whispered. I saw her elbow her friend from the corner of my eye.

"I mean, what is she? She can't be much older than twenty..."

I couldn't take it. I stood up and glared at the pair of them. "Actually I'm twenty-two. Yes, I had my son when I was barely sixteen years old. I got pregnant; I had to leave school to take care of my child. When he was older, I went back to work, which I still do _now, _so that I can provide for the two of us. Is that a problem?"

The women looked at me in utter shock. I waited for them to say something or stay quiet, when a throat clearing behind me startled me. I spun around and came face to face – actually, it was more like face to crisp, white shirt – with a man. I took a step back and met green eyes and strange hair.

"Ladies, I'm sorry to cut in," the man said. "But I'm looking for Ms. Swan – Samuel's mother?"

I took a step to the side and raised my hand. "Yeah, that's me."

The man's eyes widened a little as he took me in. "Hi... Ms. Swan, I'm sorry, but we've not met before. I'm Edward. Edward Masen, Sam's substitute teacher. Would you like to come in?"

I looked at the other waiting couple. "I think they were before me," I whispered.

"It's okay," Edward – I mean Mr. Masen – told me. "They don't mind waiting; you can come in first."

I looked over at the couple, and the woman smiled at me, nodding. There was something sympathetic about her action, and I realized that maybe she'd suggested that I go before them. That was nice of her.

"Okay... erm... thank you." I smiled at the couple and nodded in thanks.

"Follow me, Ms. Swan; come on in and take a seat. We'll have a chat about Sam and what we've been doing."

Mr. Masen opened the door of the classroom and held it open for me. I stepped inside, and he shut it quietly. Sam's classroom was decorated in bright colors, and the walls were full of paintings and collages. The alphabet was hanging on strings from the ceiling, and several sentences were written carefully onto the chalkboard.

"Please, have a seat."

"Thanks." I sat down in an adult sized chair in front of Mr. Masen's desk.

He sat around the other side and quickly pulled a bottle of water out of the pocket of the jacket that rested on the back of his chair. "Sorry," he apologized. "I've done nothing but talk all afternoon. I'm starting to sound a bit hoarse."

For the first time, I really studied him. Okay. I could totally see what all the fuss was about. There was no doubt about it. My son's teacher was definitely a very attractive man. I put him to be twenty-five, at the most. His green eyes were clear behind some fashionable glasses, and he wore his shirt and tie with the top button undone and the knot loose. I could see a small amount of bonze hair adorning his neck and upper chest. I moved down his body and to his hands. His fingers were long and a little rough looking. Yeah. He was hot.

I swallowed and met his eyes. He was looking right at me, and I knew that he had just caught me taking a good look at him. I blushed and pushed my hair out of my face. "So... Sam; how's he doing?" I asked, trying to get him to stop smiling at me.

Mr. Masen screwed the cap onto his water bottle and leaned back into his chair.

"Are you okay, Ms. Swan? You seemed uncomfortable out there."

Damn. He'd noticed that one.

"Yeah... I'm fine. You get used to it after a while. I just never expected the questions and comments, that's all. I'll get over it." I smiled at him, trying to show him that it really was nothing – that I didn't care what they'd said to me.

He nodded in understanding and picked up a few papers in front of him. "So, that's good. Onto Sam, then. He's a great kid. He's always interested and asks a lot of questions."

I grinned at him. "Yeah... sorry about that."

"No, it's really a good thing. An inquisitive child is often an intelligent one. He always raises his hand and the rate he's taking information in and recalling is astonishing. If there is something he doesn't quite understand, he isn't afraid to ask for help. He is doing very well. He is at the top end of the class, and I've found that sometimes, I've had to set him a little extra task because he's finished the activities before his classmates."

"Wow... I had no idea. He always seems to do okay on his homework. I don't often have to help him out on anything other than the odd math problem, but I always struggled with that when I was at school, too," I admitted. I didn't tell him that I was dreading having to help my kid with the more complicated problems later on in life.

"There aren't any points that I need to go over where I have concern. He plays and interacts well with the other children. That's the good thing about six year olds – they don't judge like their parents do."

His eyes met mine once again. "Wait till they're older," I joke. "Girls in particular."

He smirked. "Why do you think I opted for first or second grade?"

I nodded in understanding.

"What I'm trying to say – and please, forgive me if you feel I'm prying as I don't mean it like that – but I can tell that you've been judged. I get that, too. Being young... and being in a position that deals closely with children... some people have funny ideas about what exactly is right and wrong. Especially in a small town. I've not been in Forks long, but it seems to be a tight knitted community. Ignore the comments. Let them pass over your head, and please, don't let them get you down."

I took a few moments to take that in. I could see where he was coming from. He was clearly young... and a teacher. Not to mention male. I couldn't comprehend how hard it must be for male teachers – particularly with how easy it was now a days to point a finger and yell _pedo _at someone. He was the only male teacher at the school and had a difficult age range to deal with.

"Thank you... Mr. Masen."

"Please, call me Edward."

"Edward. I guess you do understand, to an extent. You're right; people don't get it. Even though I've lived here all my life, the comments still fly at me. I guess people heard rumors and built up opinions about me. I deal with it, though. I have to – for Sam."

Edward leaned forward onto his elbows. I could almost smell him. "Ms. Swan."

"Bella," I breathed.

"Bella... if you ever want to talk about it, or if Sam comes home with any problems, please do not hesitate to come and see me. Perhaps I could help you sort it out?"

I nod and looked away for a moment as I tried to compose myself. "Thank you, Edward. That's very kind. Sam really likes you. He does nothing but talk about you on our car rides home. He doesn't spend that much time with men, so it's great he's settled with you so well."

"I'm glad you think so. I aim to please; I love my job."

We sat in silence for a few moments, and Edward quickly went through all of the different things the class had covered since his start at the school two weeks before, along with what he was going to be working on with them over the next couple of months.

It was soon time to leave. He opened the door for me, and we stepped back out into the corridor. The kind couple and the snooty bitches were still waiting.

Edward reached out and took my hand. When he touched me, I almost jumped. His skin was hot, and it sent a jolt up my arm and through my body. It was like a static shock but without the uncomfortable feeling.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Bella," he murmured to me as his fingers slipped gently against my own.

"You, too, Edward. Thank you."

He smiled brightly at me, and I nodded before turning away and walking slowly along the windowed hallway. I snuck a glance at the bitches and smiled happily at them. I would bet anything that _they _wouldn't be on first name terms with Mr. Masen.

I didn't take a breath until I was back in the car. I closed my eyes, resting my read onto the steering wheel.

Shit. I was totally fucked.

I had a crush on my son's teacher. I didn't have crushes. I didn't trust men. I didn't want a relationship... but something about the way he was. No. No, no, and no again. He was just totally hot and had paid attention to me. Men were pigs. End of.

I laughed at myself and turned the ignition, driving the short distance home in the hopes that my boys had saved me a slice of pizza.

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><p><em>What do you think of their first meeting and Bella's reaction to him – and her reaction to men in general. You all agreed with her in the previous chapter – that Riley is a huge douche. Any other parents have problems with bitchiness in the school yard? Press review and let me know. <em>

Story Rec this week is:

**Cullen's Anatomy **by** LisaDawn75**

_Summary: Bella Swan is a down on her luck, single mom whose son suffers from an extreme medical condition. Edward Cullen is a medical student who is assigned to help Bella and her son find affordable medical care as an ethics project. Needless to say, he's not too happy about the assignment as he would prefer to focus on what he feels is important, and Bella is not thrilled with a snobby medical student butting into her life. Will they be able to get along so Edward can get his project done and Bella's son the medical attention he needs, or will they end up hating each other on the way?_

http : / www . fanfiction . net / s / 6924081 / 1 / Cullens_Anatomy


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Avril Lavigne owns the song lyrics at the start of the chapter.

**Authors Notes: **Thanks for all the love so far. I adore hearing what you think. Thank you to my Beta's - LisaDawn75 and Tammygrrl.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Ever Look Back <strong>

**Chapter Three. **

_Well, I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,__  
><em>_She felt it every day.__  
><em>_And I couldn't help her,__  
><em>_I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?__  
><em>_Too many, too many problems.__  
><em>_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.__  
><em>_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.__  
><em>_It's where she lies, broken inside.__  
><em>_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.__  
><em>_Broken inside._

_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.__  
><em>_You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you've left behind.__  
><em>_Be strong, be strong now.__  
><em>_Too many, too many problems.__  
><em>_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.__  
><em>_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.__  
><em>_It's where she lies, broken inside.__  
><em>_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.__  
><em>_Broken inside._

_Her feelings she hides.__  
><em>_Her dreams she can't find.__  
><em>_She's losing her mind.__  
><em>_She's fallen behind.__  
><em>_She can't find her place.__  
><em>_She's losing her faith.__  
><em>_She's fallen from grace.__  
><em>_She's all over the place.__  
><em>_Yeah, yeah oh_

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home.__  
><em>_It's where she lies, broken inside.__  
><em>_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.__  
><em>_Broken inside._

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh oh__  
><em>_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh oh oh_

_(Nobodys Home – Avril Lavigne.)_

**1****st**** October 2005**

I woke up to the voice of my father yelling. Our house was fairly small, and he was shouting so loud that my door almost shook. I rubbed at my eyes and looked at the clock. Nine a.m. I'd had a grand total of three and a half hours sleep, no thanks to the little bundle laying in his bassinette beside my bed. Sam was, of course, sound asleep. Typical.

I tried to listen to what had angered my dad so much. I got out of bed and winced slightly. Dammit, I didn't realize that even after a month, I'd still be so uncomfortable down below. At least it didn't hurt to use the bathroom anymore – but first thing in the morning, stretching wasn't too much fun.

"I don't give a shit what you think. I suggest you talk to your deadbeat of a son, and tell him that he has to man up. It takes two people to make a baby, so don't put this all on Bella. He was a part of this, too... No, Mr. Biers, I don't think YOU understand. I am sure she wants Riley to see his son... hello... hello? Dammit!"

I didn't know if it could get any worse. During the pregnancy, my dad had pushed me to talk to Riley more and get him to at least pay attention to me and to face up to the fact that he was going to be a father. Of course, he wouldn't, and my dad didn't like that. It wasn't until he had a huge row with Riley's father the first time, and Mr. Biers had informed Charlie of my _reputation,_ that he finally got the message and left it well alone. I didn't know if he believed it or not nor if he thought that I could have been lying to him, and Riley wasn't the father anymore.

Two days beforehand, he'd started to try and get involved, once again. I'd told him not to bother, that I didn't care, and I'd rather do it without Riley's input, but Charlie was adamant that Riley should be helping me out with costs for diapers and clothing.

I peeked at my son once again, who had managed to get one of his stubby little fingers into his mouth. He was still sleeping, but I knew that it wouldn't be long until he was awake again and yelling at me, ready for his feeding. At the thought of him eating, my breasts ached and stung... I hoped he would wake up sooner rather than later as the lady lumps wanted some relief. My new E-cups were awesome to look at, but they hurt like fuck – and cracked nipples were not so much fun.

I crept out of the room and headed downstairs to see my dad. Charlie spun around as he heard me enter the kitchen. He was picking up the battery and back cover of the cordless phone. "I'm sorry, Bells. Did I wake you?"

Yes. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter; it was about time I got up. Sam will want to eat soon, anyway."

Charlie hummed and walked over to the coffee pot, pouring a mug for me and handing it over. I smiled gratefully, put in some vanilla creamer, and sat at the table.

"Dad... please, just leave it, now. I get the picture; he doesn't want anything to do with Sam."

Charlie sat down beside me and rested his elbows on the table. "Baby, he helped get you into this situation... you had to get your life into perspective to have a child, and I think that he should have to do the same."

"But, Dad... I don't want him in our lives. I want to take care of Sam. I don't need Riley for that."

My father rubbed at his temples and looked at me. "Bells... I know I've asked this before, and I'm going to ask it once more, then I'll leave it. But are you positive that he's the father?"

"Yes. I promise you that Riley is Sam's dad. Yes, there were others, and you know I'm not proud of that. I hate what I'd become, and I regret each and every one of them. But Riley was the only one where... where we didn't use anything... and it was just the one time." I blushed beet red, really not wanting to have a sex talk with my forty year old father.

"Okay... okay, Bella, I believe you. I just wanted the clarification, and I just needed to hear it one last time. I'm proud of you for bringing Sam into the world. I get that being a young parent is hard, and I'm going to help you all I can."

I nodded and looked down at my coffee mug. "Thanks, Dad, but I mean it when I said to leave Riley alone. I don't want him anywhere near us. I don't want _anyone_ near us."

"Okay. You win. I won't call them again."

"Thanks, Daddy."

As if on cue, a little wailing made me jump. Sam had woken up and was probably famished after his four hour nap.

Charlie was true to his word. He didn't contact Riley or his family after that. Neither did I. If I saw him in the town, I'd turn the stroller around and head the other way. I didn't even want him to look at either of us. Boys avoided me like the plague, which I was glad of, because there was no way in hell I was ever dating again. I'd never trust a man.

**April 2011 **

I woke after the worst night's sleep in months. All I could see in my hazy and broken dreams was a tall man standing fifty yards away from me. I could make out his pressed, white shirt and his crazy array of hair. He never said a word to me – just stared through me with penetrating green eyes.

I rolled over and pulled the comforter around my body. The sun was starting to come in through the crack in the curtains. I snuggled back down into my pillow, sighing deeply in an attempt to relax myself and get back to sleep. The last time I'd been plagued by such strange dreams was not long after Sam was born, and I'd wake up crying. In my dreams, Sam and I would be sitting together out on my father's porch, and all of a sudden, Riley would appear and drop onto his hands and knees before me, apologizing for the way he had behaved. He would go on to tell me how he wanted to make things work. In my dream, he would hold out his arms, and I'd pass our son over to him. I would then wake up and cry until I could cry no more.

Of course, it never happened. The rumors around Forks lessened, and I didn't get as many dirty looks when I took Sam out. People were getting used to the fact that I, the Chief's little girl, had a baby in tow.

It was shortly after, when the nightmares started. Riley would come back and take Sam away from me. I'd never see either of them again.

It was those dreams that made me vow never to let another man into my life. I never even as much as looked if a guy paid me any attention. I'd lost count on the amount of times my work friends would question my stupidity and rudeness when a guy had flirted with me as I stacked the apples or wheeled out the cartons of bananas. I didn't know that they'd been interested, because it wasn't something I'd been looking for.

I'd never felt that tingly feeling down below. I'd never wanted a _foot pop, _and I'd never considered starting a relationship with a guy; well, apart from Mr. Depp, but I think almost every woman would like a piece of Captain Jack Sparrow. Fuck that... the guy was even hot as Willy Wonka – as freaky as that dude was.

So, I didn't quite understand what my sudden fascination and infatuation for Sam's new teacher was. I couldn't deny that I thought that he was hot. It was everything about him – his voice, his eyes and, the way that when we were talking; he looked deep within me. The passion for his job and his obvious care for the children was apparent.

I laid in bed and thought of our last meeting where he told me that he understood about the _gossip, _and he knew what it was like to be judged for what you were or the choices you'd made in life. Although our situations were different – very different – I guessed that in a way, he was right, and he did understand. I'd heard the women and men in the school yard talk about him, airing their distaste when they initially heard that Mrs. Cope's replacement was to be a brand new, recently qualified, _male _teacher.

There had been concerns about his age, his interests, and his marital status. Of course, once some of the mothers got a chance to meet him, their opinion changed. I was certain that it wasn't his fun teaching methods they had been appreciating, either.

It must have been tough to move to a new town and start a job in such a controversial role. I wondered if he had a girlfriend – I'd not spotted a wedding ring, but he was bound to be taken – or if he was gay.

I couldn't even understand what the hell I was thinking. Why was Edward Masen having such a huge affect on me? When he'd reached out and shaken my hand, it was as though a bolt of electricity had shot through my body. It had heated and burned in such a good way. I wondered briefly if he'd felt it, too, or if he was just one of those annoying people who gave people static shocks all the time.

I rolled over in frustration and pulled the comforter over my head, groaning. As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw his face again – his slightly scruffy chin, the sexy glasses, and his long fingers. I raked my fingers through my hair and then had visions of him sitting on a tiny chair with scores of five and six year olds at his feet while he strummed gently on his guitar. I guessed that he was a pretty good singer, too, and pictured him humming a soft ballad.

The spot between my legs felt heated without my own touch. Over the years, I'd come to realize that I couldn't go long without feeling any relief, but it was always self-helped – or with a little Mr. Depp, but even thinking of Edward... the heat and dampness was almost unbearable. I rubbed my thighs together, not allowing myself to give in and make it go away. It was wrong. So wrong. I had no right to be thinking of my son's teacher like that. It made me no better than those skanky bitches from the school.

There was no way in hell that I was going to be able to get back to sleep. It was five forty five on a Saturday morning, and I was awake. Sam liked to sleep a little late on the weekends, and he'd gone to bed a little later than usual the night before after having a great evening with Charlie. He insisted to his grandpa that he stay up and waited for me to come home, so that he could hear what Mr. Masen had to say about him.

I'd told Sam that I was very proud of him, and that Mr. Masen said that he thought he was a really good and smart kid. Sam had beamed and then blushed. "Good, I'm glad he likes me, because I think he's really cool."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, came out of the mouth of my almost six year old – the kid who was usually shy around men and only spent time with my father. My kid thought the young teacher was _cool. _

_I'd be more inclined to think of him as hot. But we can pretend that he's cool, too – for Sam's sake. _

"Well, Mr. Masen sure seems to like you too, Sam. So now you need to keep up the good work. You're going to love all the things he has planned for you for the next few weeks."

"Like what!"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. Sworn to secrecy by your Mr. Masen."

"Awww, Mom!"

He'd gone up to bed after that at nine thirty, so he would probably sleep in until at least eight.

I got out of bed and crept out of my room, past Sam's small box room. I peeked my head around the door, and as expected, my little angel was still snuggled up with Huggy, his ancient teddy bear.

I moved into the kitchen and closed the dividing doors, switching on the coffee maker and grabbing a bowl of cereal. There wasn't even anything worth watching on the television at such a stupid time.

I sat back with my coffee and fell deep into thought – once again about Edward. Why was I feeling that way? Did the sudden interest in men mean that I was slowly getting ready to open up and fill that void once again?

I laughed quietly to myself. I'd never considered the lack of a man in my life to be a void before. I figured the guy must be a magician; he had my kid under his spell and had somehow worked his creepy, dazzling mojo on me.

I knew I had to really snap myself out of it.

* * *

><p>Until next time :-)<p> 


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_ _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.__ All song titles/artists and lyrics used in this chapter belong to their respective owners. _

_**Authors Notes:**__ Firstly, I'm sorry for the delay in the posting of this chapter. I've been super busy with it being the summer break and preparing to send my four year old to full time school next month – and I'm also growing a baby (a girl who we are naming Isabella Rose) – so things have been hectic here. _

_Super thanks to my beta and ficwife, **LisaDawn75**. Go read her newest story, **Cullen's Anatomy** because it totally rocks my world._

_Thanks also to my TSB girls for all your support this week. I've needed it and you are all so amazing. _

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Ever Look Back<strong>

**Chapter 4**

After a week of partly sleepless nights passed, it was, once again, the weekend. I sat at the kitchen table, sipping out of my large coffee cup as Sam sat beside me, leafing through a comic book and slurping up the milk covering his Lucky Charms.

"Mommy?" Sam asked after swallowing a gulp of his sugary cereal.

"Yeah, honey?"

"What are we going to do today?"

I rubbed at my sleepy eyes and smiled at him as I placed my coffee cup down in front of me and tucked my hair behind my ears. "Well, we need to go to the store and get something for dinner... and for the rest of the week, for that matter," I told him, as I realized that the contents of both our refrigerator and cupboards were pretty sparse. "And then this afternoon, we'll sit down together and finish your homework project on Victorian England."

"Cool," he replied and then turned his attention back to his soggy marshmallow pieces and tattered comic book. I was so lucky to have such an easy going child. I sighed happily. He rarely whined or winged for anything and was generally a good, caring, and loving little kid.

"You good here? I'm going to go get dressed, and then we'll go to the store. I'll even let you pick out what you want for dinner, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy."

I chuckled as I got up from my chair and took my cup to the sink to give it a quick rinse. Sam ate his last spoonful of Lucky Charms and pushed his bowl into the center of the table, resting his chin on his elbows as he, once again, became engrossed in a world of illustrated heroes saving the world.

I showered quickly, not bothering with my hair, and threw on my trademarked skinny jeans and Converse high tops. I completed it with a white tank top and black cardigan, pulled my hair back into a messy ponytail, and pushed my sunglasses onto the top of my head. I could never understand those girls who spent hours upon hours getting ready to buy groceries. Curling irons and vast amounts of makeup were really not my thing at all. I never felt the need to hide who I really was from anyone.

"Dude, you wanna grab your sneakers and sweater? I'm almost ready to go."

"'Kay, Mommy!"

_Such a good boy. _

We took the short drive to Safewayas I tended not to buy my groceries at my workplace. It would also take a lot longer to navigate the store when I would be stopped by colleges and bosses for quick conversations or questions about my shift patterns. Safeway was better, and I preferred the fresh produce.

We started off with fruit, and I started to pick out some apples, while Sam ran to get some bananas. After a moment, I realized that he should have returned, and he hadn't. I looked down the aisle for my son to see him standing next to a tall man. The man reached down and ruffled his hair. I immediately saw red and stormed over, leaving my shopping cart by the Granny Smiths.

"Samuel," I called out sharply. Sammy spun around as he heard my tone – one that I very rarely had to use with him – but he knew my opinion on talking to strangers.

Sam stepped back toward me, so I turned my attention to the man who had dared to put his perverted hands on my child. My heart flipped and somersaulted as I was confronted with familiar green eyes and messy hair. I'd not paid any attention to who the apparent strangerhad been; my first instinct had been to get my baby the hell away.

"Ms. Swan."

"Mr. Masen... sorry, I didn't recognize you. And Sam, you didn't come back right away."

My son looked at his tatty sneakers and jutted out his lower lip. I touched his shoulder gently. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I was just telling Mr. Masen that we were going to finish my project after lunch." My poor baby looked as though he were about to cry.

I looked up at Ed–Mr. Masen, and he nodded, confirming it. "I'm sorry; it's entirely my fault. I saw him picking out the bananas and had to say hello."

"Don't worry about it," I said, almost breathless as I looked at him warily. "I just worry about him a lot. We had the 'stranger danger'talk a few weeks ago and I... well, it doesn't matter because you're not a stranger to him. I'm sorry I flipped."

He smiled his dazzling smile and moved his cart out of the way of the other shoppers. "It's good that you did. You have a fast reaction, although I did almost fear for my life and nether regions, for a moment there."

I blushed profusely as he mentioned his unmentionable parts. _Thanks for that. My dreams are already plagued by your eyes and those lips, now the parts covered by those jeans are going to have cameo roles. Fuck my life. _"Yeah, you were lucky I recognized you. My father made me take self defense classes."

Mr. Masen pulled his lower lip between his teeth. "A girl who can protect herself is never a bad thing."

"I've got no one else to protect me – or Sam – so I had to learn." As soon as those words had left my lips, I instantly regretted it. My son's teacher's expression changed from that of respect to one of slight sorrow... compassion perhaps, but I could tell that a part of him felt sorryfor me and Sam – and our family situation.

"I... well, that sucks for you. But it's good you can protect and provide... Sooooo," he began, and I saw in his eyes that he was trying to stop the embarrassment by changing the subject – pronto. "Sam says he's almost done with his project and that you're finishing it today?"

I nod quickly. "Yeah, that's right. He's worked really hard on it, and I think he now wants to visit England and learn more about royalty and visit Osborne House... not to mention Buckingham Palace, of course... but he now seems obsessed with the Isle of White." I pulled Sammy towards me, and he nodded and grinned up at his teacher.

"It's a great little island; I've been a couple of times. In fact, the whole project is one close to my heart. My great grandfather lived in England during the Victorian era, and my father was born in Kent but moved to America when he was a teenager. I've been lucky enough to visit Britain regularly to see grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The castles and stately homes are just incredible. Sam is the only child in my class who chose to look into the homes in the project – most of the kids wanted to do the schooling and punishment areas."

"Oh, right... well, we've found it very interesting. I feel I've learnt a lot about Queen Victoria and Albert. The internet and _English Heritage _have been very helpful, although now, I have to look into how much flights to England are. Not to mention, I have a son who tries to talk in a really terrible cockney accent."

Sam fell into a fit of giggles, and Mr. Masen grinned. "Well, young man, is that so? Perhaps we should take some lessons in regional dialect," he said in a perfect English accent. _Note to self, change underwear when you get home, Swan. _

"Mr. Masen, I found out that Queen Victoria was the first monarch to live in Buck-Buckingham Palace in London, _and_ she became Queen when she was eighteen. And she had _nine_ kids," Sam blurted out, beaming up at his teacher.

"That's absolutely correct Sam; you really have been working hard!"

"I have... and she died when she was eighty-one at Osborne House, and after Prince Albert, her husband, died, she only wore black... like, every single day."

I couldn't help but smile with utter pride. I just wanted to cry. My son was so smart. Sure, we'd looked on the computer together for the information, but Sam had done most of the work.

We stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment. "Well, I guess we'd better go and finish our shopping."

"Mommy, can we go for tacos after?"

"Sure, baby."

"Mr. Masen, do you want to come get tacos with us?"

I gulped and wanted to grab Sam by the neck. My little kid was just so forward!

"Can he? Can he, Mom?" Sam asked, as he grabbed me by the hand and proceeded to yank my arm so that I'd look down at him.

"Yeah... sure. I mean, I'm sure Mr. Masen is busy, but it's fine with me..." I looked up at my son's teacher and bit my lip. I felt very uncomfortable, to say the least. Luckily for me – or unluckily, I wasn't sure which – Mr. Masen looked like he was pretty much in the same awkward situation.

There was silence for a few moments, and then Sam jumped up and down on the spot, grabbing at the hem of his teacher's shirt. "Come on, Mr. Masen! You can come with us! You will, won't you?"

"Errr... well, I'm not sure. Maybe you should just go with your Mom; I don't want to butt in on your lunch."

"You won't be! Mom said it's okay... right, Mom?"

I wanted the freaking ground to open up and swallow me whole. "Yeah... sure; I mean, if you... want," I almost stuttered.

I watched as he looked down at Sam and smirked. "Okay, kiddo, you're on. What kind of tacos do you like?"

Sam looked so happy, his eyes brightened, and he smiled goofily. "I only like the soft chicken ones with extra cheese."

Mr. Masen's eyes widened comically, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, making Sam laugh. "Well, you would never believe this, but soft chicken are my favorite, too. What do you think, Mom?"

"Erm... well, yeah, I guess beef is over-rated now a days," I quipped. What in the hell was I on? Honestly.

"You know, I think you're right, Ms. Swan," he replied, smiling at me. "Well, I need to grab just a couple more things, and then I'll be ready."

I glanced into my shopping cart. We'd only just really begun, and I had a lot more to get. "I think we're going to need about thirty minutes, but then we're good to go, if you don't mind waiting once you're done?" I couldn't help but blush as I spoke to him. What in the hell was wrong with me? I was almost swooning. That _never_ happened.

"Sure, I'll meet you out front then."

"Sure."

"Bye, Mr. Masen! See you soon!"

"Bye, Sam."

Around the rest of the supermarket, Samuel did not stop talking about our lunch date with his teacher. Did schools allow that sort of thing? I guess it didn't hurt, and after all, he seemed like quite a nice, young guy. His manners were impeccable, and I supposed it would be a good thing for Sam to spend some more time with a good, well brought up male.

I was just glad that he said he would meet us outside the store. Although I wasn't opposed to liking the guy, and seeing as he was a man, I didn't feel terribly uncomfortable around him, I still didn't want him to see my preferred brand of tampon. There were things that men really shouldn't see.

As promised, he was waiting outside the store, minus the shopping bags, which I'd assumed he'd deposited in his car.

He smiled when we came out of the automatic doors and put his hands in his pocket as he walked over to us. I was most surprised when he suddenly moved closer and placed his hands on the handle of the shopping cart. "Here, let me help you with that."

_Why the frig does he have to be such a gentleman? Why can't he be a regular ass? _

"Thanks, Edward." I smiled nervously and stepped away from the cart to take Sam's hand and start to make our way across the lot to my car. He helped put all of the bags into the trunk, and I helped Sam get strapped into the back. As I opened the driver's side door, Edward made as though he was about to leave.

"I'll follow you," He confirmed.

"You're welcome to ride with us... I mean, if you want to, that is. It will save taking two cars across town." _Oh, God, Swan, what the fuck are you thinking? _I internally scalded myself. My mind was far too messed up to think straight.

"Erm... okay, yeah, that would be good, thanks." He smiled. "Let me get rid of the cart, and I'll be right back."

I nodded mutely and slid into the car. I wanted to bash my head onto the steering wheel. Sam giggled from the back seat, and I shot him a questioning glance.

"You're forehead is all wrinkled, Mom."

_Yeah, thanks for noting my confusion, kid; you're too smart for your own good. _

"I'm just hungry, sweetie, that's all."

My son seemed satisfied with that answer and rightly so, because just moments later, we were joined in the car by the apparent object of my affection.

I started the engine and put her into first – I preferred to drive stick rather than an automatic. It was more fun, and the gas mileage was way better. However, they were very easy to stall, and the engine juddered and jumped as I pushed my foot down too hard on the accelerator and came up on the clutch too fast. _Fuck! _

Edward looked at me and raised his eyebrows slightly as I regained control of the car without the actual stall.

"Cramp," I blurted out. "Yeah, I get that sometimes... damn... shoes."

Edward faced the front and nodded once as I pulled slowly out of the lot and into the street.

"I just have to run home and put the refrigerated and frozen stuff away real quick. You guys can wait here; I don't want the ice cream to melt. It's actually pretty nice today."

When I'd inadvertently invited the man into my car to ride with us, I'd momentarily forgotten about the almost one hundred dollar shopping spree I'd just been on. It would _not _be very funny if I left it all in the car and came back to various puddles of mush and wilted vegetables. Now, he'd get a peak at my shitty little apartment. Great.

"Sure, that's fine. No hurry. I've nowhere to be today. It was just shopping and an afternoon at home alone for me, so I appreciate the company." He turned and smiled at me. I smiled back and concentrated on driving to get us all back home safely.

I parked out front, and before I knew it, Edward was out of the car and had the trunk open, even before I'd killed the engine and fished in my purse for my house keys. "I'll give you a hand," he offered as he expertly grabbed four bags out of the trunk.

Sam unbuckled and leapt out. "Me, too! Let me carry something, Mommy."

I'd no choice but to agree, and I handed Sam the packet of toilet paper to carry. That left just one bag for me. Edward seemed comfortable with the other four, so I slammed the trunk and led the way into the building. "Elevator's broken; I'm afraid we gotta use the stairs," I apologized.

"It's _six_ floors!" Sam added.

Edward nodded. "Good exercise. You won't need a gym membership, then."

I chuckled. "No, I guess not."

We walked together up the many flights of stairs, and I opened up and let us all in. The hallway into the small kitchen area was short, so I asked Edward to just place the bags on the floor by the table. I made quick work with the help of Sam and Edward to get the chilled stuff put away. The cans and packets could wait till later.

We arrived at Taco Bell and ordered; we all ended up getting the same thing – Soft Chicken Tacos – apart from Edward's and Sam's that had extra cheese, so I went all out and got a side of Pintos and Cheese. I discovered that Edward had a love for Mountain Dew – as did I. Sam asked if he could have some and stamped his feet, crossing his arms angrily when I told him that he couldn't have soda. He gave me the stink eye, and I saw Edward look away and pretend to busy himself with the wall menu. His lip was caught tightly between his teeth as he tried not to smirk.

I told Sam he could have a milkshake instead. I didn't like him having soda – especially Dew – because it made him jump off the walls. He was satisfied with the shake, providing, of course, it could be chocolate. I agreed.

As we sat down, Edward ran back up to the counter and returned with a quesadilla, putting it between the three of us. "It's steak, so help yourselves."

"Thanks." _Again, why does he have to be such a gentleman? _

Conversation was minimal during our meal, although not in the least bit uncomfortable. Sam kept most of the talk afloat, chatting some more about his school project and his friends.

"What made you decide to become a teacher, Edward?" I asked when Sam finally took a long slurp of his shake and paid attention to his now-cold taco.

Edward looked up at me and smiled as he picked up his napkin and wiped some salsa from his chin. "Actually, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I left high school. I had good grades but nothing to look forward to. I actually followed a... a friend to college and took the same courses as them, so we could spend time together."

I saw that Edward looked down at his hands and cracked his knuckles.

And then it clicked... both my mind and his knuckles.

"Did you study to be a teacher at school because of a girl?"

Edward met my eyes but only for a brief moment. "Because of my wife." He looked down and wrung his hands again.

"You're married?" I asked, shocked as I searched out a wedding band. I was certain that I'd not spotted one before.

"I was, yeah. It didn't last for long; we... we wanted very different things." He wrung his hands again.

"My daddy doesn't live with me and Mommy, Edward," Sam piped up.

Edward looked at him and smiled, but I could see him grab onto his soda cup and finger the straw. "I know, buddy. Sometimes, things between couples just don't work out."

"I know," Sam sighed.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize," I apologized. I wanted to reach out and pat the back of his hand.

"It was a while ago. We married when we were eighteen, the summer before we went to college. We lasted until we graduated, but then... we'd grown apart, and she didn't want the same things as I did."

I nodded, not understanding entirely because his situation was very different to mine. But I could relate to feeling _unwanted _– to a degree at least – even though I'd not exactly witnessed lovebeforehand. "That sucks. But you enjoy teaching, right?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I love it now. Kids are awesome. I never expected to enjoy it as much as I do, but I never felt as though I had a calling for anything in particular. I had no idea what I wanted to do, so when Jane asked me when we were in high school to go to college with her, I agreed."

There were so many questions I wanted to ask him but didn't want to pry.

"We dated for a year before then; we were sweethearts, if you could call us that. People didn't like the fact that we chose to get married, and her parents didn't take too kindly to me because of my background or the fact that I didn't come from a well known family. But we did it anyway. We had a private ceremony at City Hall just three weeks after we'd graduated high school."

"Wow, that's pretty young, I guess, but hey, if it means anything, by the time I was eighteen, I had a two year old kid and a full time job," I quipped. "I now understand what you meant the other night when you told me you could relate to how I was feeling about the age discrimination thing..." I picked at the corner of the quesadilla and blushed.

"Yeah. The choices we make – or don't make in some cases" – he smiled at me, and I knew that he meant my pregnancy and the reluctance to give up the baby – "especially as kids, will lay upon us for the rest of our lives. But you know what? You shouldn't live in the past; don't have regrets because you can change the future. I've discovered that what we go through molds us as adults."

He looked right at me. I took a quick look at Sam who was still munching away on his taco and coloring on the back of the tray mat.

"You're right. I get exactly what you mean," I almost whispered.

"You have to look forward; don't take what anyone says to heart, Bella. You can't look back on mistakes you've made. Look forward to the future. Don't ever look back."

Was this man my soul mate? Those four words had been my mantra for so long; they were the words I'd relied on to give me the strength to carry on in life, the strength to succeed. They'd worked and helped to a point, but hearing them come from the lips of another human being spurred me on more so.

All I could do was gulp deeply and agree with him.

We finished our dinner in silence, and then I took Edward back to his car. He told me that he hoped he'd see me soon and reminded Sam that he'd see him at school on Monday.

I watched as he got into his car and smiled at me right before he got into the driver's side.

Edward Masen had given me a lot to think about.

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